QUT criminologist says Disney princesses have a lot to answer for when it comes to domestic abuse.
How many Disney films centred around the princess while the prince doesn’t even merit a name. How many evil bad men does the prince fight in order to save the life of the princess at serious risk to his own. How many good men are there in these films besides her prince?
And now, they’re seriously saying that after they have risked their very existence to save the person they love, they’re all going to beat the shit out of them. After all the crap the Disney princes get for merely being the object of a female character’s affection this shouldn’t come as a shock but it is a disgusting new low.
The message from everywhere is even if a man endures tremendous suffering with no thanks and no expectation of reward, risks his very life to save yours or just to make you more comfortable, he is a monster.
That’s just the point, though.
Listen, I’ve been in abusive relationships. The hardest part when you know you need to jump ship is thinking, ‘well he’s done x for me, he’s done y, he’s sweet like this, he brought me roses the other day, i can ignore the rest of it’. You make excuses. You feel like you owe them.
The whole point, I think, is that it doesn’t matter how much good these guys did, or how much they went through at the start. If your partner starts abusing you, it isn’t your job to fix them, to stay, to deal with it. It doesn’t matter if they cook you dinner every night, if they’re beating you every other day or so, that doesn’t condone a healthy relationship. You need to get out.
I do think portraying ALL of the princes as abusive is a folly, if that’s what the creator was going for, but I think the idea is very just: abuse is abuse, regardless of how good they’re treating you, or have treated you in the past. It is not your job to fix somebody else who is damaging you. At what point did the bad guys the princes slay turn into the bad guys themselves?
I advocate equality for both sexes and see female x male domestic violence issues as a very serious, very erased issue. But it is still important to bring visibility to male x female or otherwise, like this project aims to do.
Abusers are humans, too. They have very real emotions. They almost always do love the person they abuse, sometimes intensely. They can do great things, be sweet, etc. And they do deserve love. But that’s just it. We can’t demonize abusers like they’re 100% terrible, because that’s when we stop realizing what equates to an actual abusive relationship- we make excuses, we try to forgive too many times in a row. And then people are hurt and trapped. I think you, and many others, are approaching this through the lense that it’s blaming all men, all relationships, etc. and relying too much on your kneejerk emotions here. This is a very real and very deep problem that many men and women face: When is it time to realize my relationship has gone south?
I wasn’t meaning ingratitude, I meant that every action by these men has been seen as oppressive to women, saving women’s lives means you want to beat up women according to Anita Sarkeesian, they will see negativity in absolutely everything.
My point was that in these films the prince is usually the only good man in the princess’s life, there are men out to kill her, marry her for power,l lusting after her etc. And even he is an evil monster because all men are abusive in some way. Every man is out to abuse you. Never trust a man, even if he has well and truly proved his worth and never given any indication that he’d do all of this to rape and batter you the first chance he gets. We know it can be difficult to recognise abuse. We know there are men who are abusive. We’ve heard it. All our lives we’ve heard that message. It’s all we ever hear.
We never see the reverse in such a way, we never get people trying to taint our childhood with this shit, until they actually start to give a toss and stop poisoning every single male character and painting even the worst of women as victims of men, until they stop being so one sided I will protest every single one of these campaigns. They’re all the bloody same. Once in a blue moon we’ll get one abused man with a dozen or so women and that is like a single droplet of water to a starving tree.